Bem is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, idiotic cobra.

Bem created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bem, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Bem, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Bem's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Bem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics.

2. Always wear plain skirts during rituals.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not fashion tools from iron.

5. Never touch oil while clean.