Tunvonbast is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, omnipotent fairy.

Tunvonbast created the planet Saturn two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tunvonbast, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tunvonbast, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tunvonbast's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Tunvonbast's Holy Commandments

1. Never travel toward the east during summer.

2. Put Tunvonbast first in all things.

3. Never talk about thermodynamics near moths while wearing gray corsets and balancing four tin spheres on your hands.

4. Always store coconuts above ground.

5. Never speak aloud of names.