Veddagnurt is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, wise seal.

Veddagnurt created tapeworms four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Veddagnurt, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Veddagnurt, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Veddagnurt's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Veddagnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ultrasonics near pigs while wearing cyan shorts and balancing four titanium spheres on your chest.

2. Never allow sharks to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not name children after horses.

5. Never feed lots of lemons to eagles while wearing purple dresses.