Sugzedsas is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, charitable seal.

Sugzedsas created dark energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Sugzedsas, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sugzedsas, it will turn you into a duck.

Sugzedsas' most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Sugzedsas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Heed all portents.

3. Do not sing in public.

4. Always share gooseberries with strangers, but never with cats.

5. Never pour water over plants.