Nelkikcem is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, blissful centaur.

Nelkikcem created the cosmos seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Nelkikcem, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nelkikcem, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Nelkikcem's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Nelkikcem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about bacteria.

2. Never discuss chlorophyll in public assemblies.

3. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

4. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a room before entering it.

5. Retreat if four ducks approach from the east.