Cinlargquam Nibquartquatxin Midsomjap is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, unfair aardvark.

Cinlargquam Nibquartquatxin Midsomjap created the solar system two years ago.

If you believe in Cinlargquam Nibquartquatxin Midsomjap, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Cinlargquam Nibquartquatxin Midsomjap, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Cinlargquam Nibquartquatxin Midsomjap's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Cinlargquam Nibquartquatxin Midsomjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat lentils on days of mourning.

2. Do not shave your head.

3. Never cross forests at midnight.

4. Erect a giant red sculpture of Cinlargquam Nibquartquatxin Midsomjap in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never gather three seals in one place.