Dongamfub is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, bad-tempered squid.

Dongamfub created viruses seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Dongamfub, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dongamfub, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Dongamfub's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Dongamfub's Holy Commandments

1. Always store pineapples above ground.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Always help squirrels in need.

4. Always wash your arms before prayer.

5. Never prepare onions during winter.