Vonjam is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, astonishing monkey.

Vonjam created the planet Venus six billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonjam, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Vonjam, she will destroy your home planet.

Vonjam's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Vonjam's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove skirts before entering holy places.

2. Do not shave your chest.

3. Never speak at dusk.

4. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

5. Do not covet oxen.