Tapjadcum is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, pitiless deer.

Tapjadcum created the planet Jupiter four years ago.

If you believe in Tapjadcum, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tapjadcum, he will turn you into a mole.

Tapjadcum's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Tapjadcum's Holy Commandments

1. Never adorn your feet with black markings.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate mites.

3. Always remove stockings before touching platinum.

4. Run away if four porpoises approach from the west.

5. Never mark doors with gray.