Bapbonkad is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, omnipotent hedgehog.

Bapbonkad created the Sombrero Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bapbonkad, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bapbonkad, it will turn you into a puffin.

Bapbonkad's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Bapbonkad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not study deoxyribonucleic acid on holy days.

2. Never think about gravity near frogs while wearing blue ear rings and balancing six copper spheres on your arms.

3. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

4. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

5. Do not cook food in pots.