Stigcanjon is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, happy snail.

Stigcanjon created parasitic wasps four billion years ago.

If you believe in Stigcanjon, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Stigcanjon, he will destroy your home planet.

Stigcanjon's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Stigcanjon's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never mix cherries with blood.

3. Never go into turquoise rooms.

4. Do not speak about carrots.

5. Never point your face toward the north during prayer.