Stragkimlarg Betfunsas is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, cheerful aardvark.

Stragkimlarg Betfunsas created Africa three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Stragkimlarg Betfunsas, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Stragkimlarg Betfunsas, she will strike you with lightening.

Stragkimlarg Betfunsas' most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Stragkimlarg Betfunsas' Holy Commandments

1. Never chant while facing west.

2. Stragkimlarg Betfunsas loves squirrels, so they must be respected.

3. Always share limes with strangers, but never with turtles.

4. Do not prepare onions while wearing ear rings.

5. Never sing in autumn.