Bit Quampadwip is a god.

It takes the form of a large, fussy unicorn.

Bit Quampadwip created the Virgo Supercluster eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bit Quampadwip, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bit Quampadwip, it will turn you into a duck.

Bit Quampadwip's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Bit Quampadwip's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Bit Quampadwip.

2. Never stain your back with red.

3. Learn six new languages a year.

4. Do not speak of ultrasonics near sacred fires.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.