Hapjigben is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, narcissistic dugong.

Hapjigben created a down quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Hapjigben, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Hapjigben, she will turn you into a sheep.

Hapjigben's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Hapjigben's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near dolphins while wearing purple dresses and balancing eight copper spheres on your hands.

2. Do not contemplate electromagnetism during the night.

3. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

4. Never paint your legs mauve.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.