Jabtapkinsawmatomt is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, grumpy raven.

Jabtapkinsawmatomt created a photon eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jabtapkinsawmatomt, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jabtapkinsawmatomt, it will destroy your home planet.

Jabtapkinsawmatomt's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Jabtapkinsawmatomt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place peanuts upon stone.

2. Never mention foxes.

3. Always help geese in need.

4. Never think about dark energy near monkeys while wearing white jumpers and balancing eight zinc spheres on your back.

5. You must love Jabtapkinsawmatomt.