Lagjannulvad is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, selfish yak.

Lagjannulvad created a photon three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lagjannulvad, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lagjannulvad, he will curse you with boils.

Lagjannulvad's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Lagjannulvad's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak the names of asteroids aloud.

2. Erect a giant gray sculpture of Lagjannulvad in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never hurt ants.

4. Always treat horses with great respect.

5. Never allow squirrels to witness sacred rites.