Cepqueegtaf is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unthinking badger.

Cepqueegtaf created the planet Mars two billion years ago.

If you believe in Cepqueegtaf, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cepqueegtaf, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Cepqueegtaf's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Cepqueegtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove coats before entering holy places.

2. Cepqueegtaf must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not wear zinc on your body.

4. Retreat if five porpoises approach from the west.

5. Never eat green fruit.