Vogruttgil Yarlbunlarn is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, passionate clam.

Vogruttgil Yarlbunlarn created snails nine million years ago.

If you believe in Vogruttgil Yarlbunlarn, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Vogruttgil Yarlbunlarn, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Vogruttgil Yarlbunlarn's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Vogruttgil Yarlbunlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate snakes.

5. Never gather four capybaras near doors.