Kanfossqueeg is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, slow gorilla.

Kanfossqueeg created the Sun six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kanfossqueeg, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kanfossqueeg, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Kanfossqueeg's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Kanfossqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention doves.

2. Always help frogs.

3. Do not hurt monkeys.

4. Never hurt rats.

5. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a room before entering it.