Fonappbon is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, witty cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Fonappbon created a strange quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fonappbon, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fonappbon, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Fonappbon's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Fonappbon's Holy Commandments

1. Never leap in the presence of elders.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near snails while wearing black shirts and balancing seven copper spheres on your feet.

3. Never allow moths to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Remain standing during prayer.

5. Always wash your legs before prayer.