Zimlargfig Tipweediss is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, staggering human.

Zimlargfig Tipweediss created light three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimlargfig Tipweediss, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zimlargfig Tipweediss, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Zimlargfig Tipweediss' most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Zimlargfig Tipweediss' Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near ducks while wearing fawn corsets and balancing eight silver spheres on your hands.

4. Never discuss ribonucleic acid in public assemblies.

5. Do not prepare bananas while wearing trousers.