Omtkapquag is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, loving raccoon.

Omtkapquag created time and space two years ago.

If you believe in Omtkapquag, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Omtkapquag, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Omtkapquag's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Omtkapquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of bananas to ants while wearing turquoise jumpers.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never discuss chlorophyll in public assemblies.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Omtkapquag.

5. Always take life seriously.