Vonk Jinhubjig is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, caring penguin.

Vonk Jinhubjig created the planet Venus eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonk Jinhubjig, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vonk Jinhubjig, she will turn you into a goat.

Vonk Jinhubjig's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Vonk Jinhubjig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear gold on your body.

2. Hide from yellow ducks for they are unholy.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never travel toward the south during spring.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Vonk Jinhubjig.