Flamstansog is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, boastful walrus.

Flamstansog created matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Flamstansog, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flamstansog, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Flamstansog's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Flamstansog's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never paint your legs cyan.

3. Never adorn your chest with fawn markings.

4. Never write about enzymes.

5. Frogs are unholy and should not be approached.