Lapdan is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, thoughtless shrew.

Lapdan created the Large Magellanic Cloud two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapdan, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Lapdan, she will send you a sign.

Lapdan's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Lapdan's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry pigs.

2. Never mix onions with oil.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not take Lapdan's name in vain.

5. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Lapdan in the centre of the settlement.