Tarpquillbonk is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, merciful mink.

Tarpquillbonk created a bottom quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpquillbonk, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Tarpquillbonk, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Tarpquillbonk's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Tarpquillbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not dye your hair white.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not eat turnips.