Stafquaffon is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, confident fairy.

Stafquaffon created time and space four billion years ago.

If you believe in Stafquaffon, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Stafquaffon, she will turn you into a tree.

Stafquaffon's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Stafquaffon's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

2. Never think about solid mechanics near otters while wearing violet tights and balancing five silicon spheres on your head.

3. Do not wear coats marked with fawn.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never allow turtles to sleep beneath your roof.