Volmapmid is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, omnipotent grasshopper.

Volmapmid created water eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Volmapmid, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Volmapmid, it will turn you into a slug.

Volmapmid's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Volmapmid's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry porpoises.

2. Never sprint in the presence of frogs.

3. Hide from mauve otters for they are unholy.

4. Always count to six before sleeping.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching lead.