Arftifvon is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, fast penguin.

Arftifvon created water six million years ago.

If you believe in Arftifvon, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Arftifvon, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Arftifvon's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Arftifvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never remain prostrate at midday.

2. Run away from turquoise ducks, for they are unholy.

3. Never paint your hands gray.

4. You must love Arftifvon.

5. Always count to four before sleeping.