Zantimlarg Stanvogwan is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, fussy zebra.

Zantimlarg Stanvogwan created silver six million years ago.

If you believe in Zantimlarg Stanvogwan, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Zantimlarg Stanvogwan, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Zantimlarg Stanvogwan's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Zantimlarg Stanvogwan's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow dogs to witness sacred rites.

2. Do not wear lead on your body.

3. Do not sit at mountains.

4. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

5. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.