Hamtifciss Mifnatbum is a god.

It takes the form of a large, uncaring horse.

Hamtifciss Mifnatbum created the planet Venus five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hamtifciss Mifnatbum, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hamtifciss Mifnatbum, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Hamtifciss Mifnatbum's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Hamtifciss Mifnatbum's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not contemplate dark matter during the night.

4. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

5. Never hurt ants.