Gubpomwot is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, caring jaguar.

Gubpomwot created matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gubpomwot, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gubpomwot, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Gubpomwot's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Gubpomwot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not study horizontal gene transfer on holy days.

2. Never mention snails.

3. Never feed lots of apples to ants while wearing indigo corsets.

4. Never travel toward the north during spring.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.