Jarnxucteenrenfossnulnancet is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, ill-tempered hedgehog.

Jarnxucteenrenfossnulnancet created the planet Earth six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnxucteenrenfossnulnancet, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jarnxucteenrenfossnulnancet, he will destroy your favourite star.

Jarnxucteenrenfossnulnancet's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Jarnxucteenrenfossnulnancet's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about moons.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never remain bowed at midday.

4. Heed all visions.

5. Never adorn your hands with purple markings.