Quafjonsterdog is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, emotional narwhal.

Quafjonsterdog created an up quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Quafjonsterdog, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Quafjonsterdog, he will turn you into a duck.

Quafjonsterdog's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Quafjonsterdog's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix peanuts with water.

2. Never look at moons.

3. Do not kill otters.

4. Do not prepare limes while filled with pride.

5. Do not wear titanium on your body.