Vanpasyam is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, vain walrus.

Vanpasyam created the planet Jupiter four million years ago.

If you believe in Vanpasyam, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Vanpasyam, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Vanpasyam's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Vanpasyam's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak aloud of signs.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching tin.

3. Do not kill snakes.

4. Never think about amino acids.

5. Do not prepare grapes while filled with envy.