Latquampanrutt is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, witless cow.

Latquampanrutt created bats eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Latquampanrutt, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Latquampanrutt, it will jump up and down on your head.

Latquampanrutt's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Latquampanrutt's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not shave your feet.

3. Never speak of chaos in the presence of children.

4. Heed all visions.

5. Do not laugh in public.