Bastzannarl is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, unfair tortoise.

Bastzannarl created the cosmos seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bastzannarl, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bastzannarl, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Bastzannarl's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Bastzannarl's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Mice are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate grasshopers.