Staflanpit is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, egotistical mongoose.

Staflanpit created bats seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Staflanpit, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Staflanpit, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Staflanpit's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Staflanpit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt birds.

2. Always cleanse ash with water.

3. You must love Staflanpit.

4. Never point your arms toward the west during prayer.

5. Never write about electromagnetism.