Dumcarnuttstik is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, merciful fish.

Dumcarnuttstik created the planet Earth three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumcarnuttstik, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Dumcarnuttstik, she will turn you into a rock.

Dumcarnuttstik's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Dumcarnuttstik's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear turquoise.

2. Cats are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not record names concerning planets.

4. Do not speak about grapes.

5. Do not shave your head.