Quimlincam Stipgupdap is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, annoying tortoise.

Quimlincam Stipgupdap created dark matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimlincam Stipgupdap, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Quimlincam Stipgupdap, he will turn you into a puffin.

Quimlincam Stipgupdap's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Quimlincam Stipgupdap's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear dresses.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never record signs.

4. Never chant in the presence of mites.

5. Do not place strawberries upon stone.