Teenjenrigbit is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, fussy capybara.

Teenjenrigbit created an atom eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Teenjenrigbit, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Teenjenrigbit, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Teenjenrigbit's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Teenjenrigbit's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your arms toward the west during prayer.

2. Teenjenrigbit loves hamsters, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not prepare garlic while filled with envy.

4. Hide from indigo cats for they are unholy.

5. Fast once a month.