Bemlarnteen is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, compassionate cat.

Bemlarnteen created Mount Everest two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemlarnteen, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bemlarnteen, she will turn you into a plant.

Bemlarnteen's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Bemlarnteen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not fashion tools from platinum.

4. Never skip in winter.

5. You must never eat nuts.