Gofwigrig is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, unthinking horse.

Gofwigrig created a bottom quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gofwigrig, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gofwigrig, she will cry a lot.

Gofwigrig's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Gofwigrig's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your face toward the west during prayer.

2. Always act with humility when addressing children.

3. Hide if four porpoises approach from the south.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never paint your hands white.