Futxempig is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, selfish giraffe.

Futxempig created oxygen five billion years ago.

If you believe in Futxempig, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Futxempig, she will laugh at you.

Futxempig's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Futxempig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.

3. Do not travel during spring.

4. Do not kill moths.

5. Never look at moons.