Queegtarlig is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, fussy lizard.

Queegtarlig created Europe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Queegtarlig, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Queegtarlig, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Queegtarlig's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Queegtarlig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics.

2. Frogs are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not kill whales.

4. Do not jump at crossroads.

5. Never allow ducks to sleep beneath your roof.