Haptifxuc is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, witty cow.

Haptifxuc created an atom eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Haptifxuc, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Haptifxuc, he will send minions to preach to you.

Haptifxuc's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Haptifxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat lemons.

2. Always share turnips with strangers, but never with manatees.

3. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Haptifxuc on top of all buildings.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always obey Haptifxuc's priests.