Figfabsak is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, benevolent hippopotamus.

Figfabsak created the universe four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Figfabsak, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Figfabsak, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Figfabsak's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Figfabsak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare gooseberries while wearing stockings.

2. Do not take Figfabsak's name in vain.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Hide from indigo doves for they are unholy.

5. Always make sure there are no foxes in a building before entering it.