Lagtonkrat is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, omnipotent bee.

Lagtonkrat created dark matter three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lagtonkrat, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Lagtonkrat, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Lagtonkrat's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Lagtonkrat's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Run away from magenta geese, for they are unholy.

3. Never talk about spacetime near mites while wearing pink corsets.

4. Lagtonkrat loves otters, so they must be honoured.

5. Never think ill of sick ducks.