Futsidciptof is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, ill-tempered pig.

Futsidciptof created parasitic wasps four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futsidciptof, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Futsidciptof, she will turn you into a puffin.

Futsidciptof's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Futsidciptof's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion tools from lead.

2. Never wear orange skirts on sacred days.

3. Never speak the names of stars aloud.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never adorn your head with fawn markings.