Kadcibbigtail is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, duplicitous seal.

Kadcibbigtail created a photon six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadcibbigtail, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Kadcibbigtail, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Kadcibbigtail's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Kadcibbigtail's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach rivers carrying wood.

2. Never eat lentils on days of mourning.

3. Never chant while facing east.

4. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.

5. Do not count beyond five during ceremonies.